Raphael Hythloday: Global Warming

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Global Warming

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change concludes that there is more than a 90% chance that global warming has a human cause.

The Intergovernmental Panel on My Ass concludes that there is more than a 90% chance that anything the United Nations says is bullshit.

The Latest News Items

-Gore found driving a Hummer. "It's like driving a tank. I am totally compensating for my short-comings; It's Great!"

-Hillary caught in RNC headquarters burning documents; "I just needed some papers to roll my J with."

-Gore found eating an omelet with eggs of the endangered Socorro Mockingbird, quoted as saying "it was the best breakfast I have ever had. I didnâ€™t cook it. My illegal alien, Rosaria, did. I regret nothing."

-Hillary Clinton reveals Adam's Apple, claims "Men still run politics!"

-John McCain takes off shirt, reason he can't lift his arms: Block letter "La Raza" tattoo across shoulders

-Kofi Annan overshadows Oil for Food; found literally in bed with Russia and China

-Howard Dean is revealed as a Schizophrenic; Democratic Party defends by claiming he represents "diversity"

-Nancy Pelosi found in bathroom of constituents' bar, topless, with a cocaine 'mustache.' Claims she was framed by Rove.

-Ted Kennedy found drunk in Senate bathroom with BAL 0.31; public not surprised.

-Cindy Sheehan exhumes son. Corpse to be plaintiff in impeachment hearings for President Bush.

-"Old Hag" label ruled as truth by Texas State Supreme Court; libel lawsuit dropped by Cindy Sheehan.

-Swimming Lessons with Ted Kennedy, Friday nights at 1am in the Community Rec Center. BYOB.

-Media Starved Cindy Sheehan arrested after abducting Fox News personality Bill O'Reilly. Victim says Sheehan had hog tied him and forced him to repeatedly interview her for 53 hours.

-UN Secretary General Kofi Annan had some bad personal news for reporters on Tuesday: "I have AIDS," he said sadly.

-Barbara Boxer to change title from "Junior Senator from California" to "Less Senior Senator from California"

-Phil Angelides tests positive for rodent DNA; public not surprised, "expects" this from state bureaucrats

-"The public employee unions have my balls in a jar. Literally." Arnold said on Tuesday

-Cruz Bustamante found overdosed in a Sacramento alley; says it was because "millionaires didn't pay their fair share," warning that if they don't meet his demands he would "eat every last bit of the country's emergency pork belly reserves."

-Kerry claims the 13 year old girl and 15 year old boy found in his Mass. Mansion yesterday were "simply loaners," from his "business associate," Michael Jackson. "I do not know how that donkey got there though."

-Condoleezza Rice says she does not like eating rice. Loves beans though, "It's nothing against the Latino culture, I love you people."

-Grey Davis officially launches 2006 gubernatorial campaign; all 3 of his supporters join him at the rally in Sacramento.

-Details on Tupacâ€™s greatest hit's finally released: "Twice in the abdomen, once to his arm and once to his thigh."

-Last Friday, Lance Bass of boy band NSYNC revealed that he is gay. Al-Qaeda claimed responsibility.

-"Gore rhymes with whore; not a coincidence."

-On the floor of the UN on Wednesday, Kofi Annan described himself as a "tool." Russia, China, and Iran applauded.

-Potential presidential candidate Al Gore entertained a New Orleans, LA audience last week by trying to break dance and claimed he wanted to be the "second black president.â€

Raphael Hythloday

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Global Warming

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